we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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