That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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