Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
