So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
