dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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