True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
