I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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