she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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