loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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