I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
