she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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