Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
