life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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