Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
