I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
