I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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