I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
