oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
