I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
