i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
