A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
my poor anus
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
