Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
