omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
