So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
