Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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