I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
