I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
