He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
