I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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