I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
