it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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