just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
