This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
