quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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