I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
