there was a trapeze. enough said
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
