just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
