i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
