; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
