God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
