Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
