i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
how drunk are you?
Several
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
