Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
