She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
