Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
