She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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