My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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