she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm jealous of your bromance
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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