Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
