Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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