I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
