I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
